he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
