I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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