It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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