k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
