New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
