She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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