Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
