ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
