have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
i need some magic done to my vagina
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize