i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize