Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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