From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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