Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
