I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
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I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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