i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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