she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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