why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
