I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
