The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
