Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
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The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
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Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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