im having a threesome with these popsicles
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
