Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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