im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
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Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
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It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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