I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
