I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
