I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
