Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
