I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
