I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
