he wants to bone in the snuggie
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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