Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
