You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
