I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
