yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
