last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
