ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
