You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
