I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
