Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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