____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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