My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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