Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
