I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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