They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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