we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
