I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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