I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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