Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
