i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
