I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.