dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
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Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
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I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.