Farmville is her only friend.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
