woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
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If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
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Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑