Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I need to calm my uterus...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!