i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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