i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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