Just cropdusted the office
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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