why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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