fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize