You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
