I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
