Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
