Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Panties = found
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