you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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