he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
