my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
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