I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
