I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
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Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
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Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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